I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
