blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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