He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
