dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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