Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
