my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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