sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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