I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I believe in your delicious
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
