you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There was a lot of him and a little penis
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
