I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
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You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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