It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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