Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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