I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
that may or may not have been my penis.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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