Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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