the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
