i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Pooping to opera.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
