found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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