Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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