And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize