Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
