you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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