Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
