im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
