I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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