it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
