So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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