i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
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I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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