It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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