They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
