I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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