We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
