i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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