we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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