do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize