i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
