So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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