the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
