It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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