I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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