I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
