Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
