I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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