You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
