btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need to calm my uterus...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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