There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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