I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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