well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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