I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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