i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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