If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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