2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
