There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
