I think im going to throw up on grandma
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I understand Curling. That high.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
