I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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