Tell her she can't have a vagina
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
