Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
