Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
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