Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize