I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
