Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
