if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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