My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
only if we run a train.
done.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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