I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
