being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
