do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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