he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
A bitchslap is in order.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
