I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
